Chapter 84

Chapter 84

Snake Report: Life as a False God, Day 7


There were more basic requests the next few days. I fried a few more lizards, built some more stone-houses, I sat on my throne: but once all was said and done I set out without an escort.

This was mostly due to a growing sense of anxiety.

Still, I was familiar enough with the area to feel reasonably confident I'd end up in the correct place, and the directions from the creepy Goblin Shamans were pretty clear. Up the "Great" root tower, and defeat the beast which lurks at the exit to the Forest above.

Their brooding hints and creepy laughter was also pretty clear this wasn't exactly a "Request."

More of a polite: "You're doing this, or else"


Both instinct and human perspective settled together in agreement with the gut-feeling they were probably going to try and put an end to me if I didn't ramble on out of their roost.

Adorable little pugly faces are great until they start laughing like wild-jackels, and letting out uncomfortable amounts of magic from their staffs. The harmless old-folk 180 degree switch to dark and powerful warlock thing wasn't exactly a source of comfort.

But then: neither was the late-night glowing light illusion of a snake getting its head chopped off while green-dancing figures jumped around wacking the corpse with wooden poles.

Hints. Lots of strong hints.

Maybe just open statement, but I made my expected bow-out to go off and deal with this Kill-Quest of sorts. That's what Heroes do in a fantasy world setting right?

I might not be the greatest hero, but I suppose that's not the worst goal to strive for. It's important to have those. Goals, I mean.

Get to the surface, eat real food, avoid death: These are all pretty reasonable goals I'm working towards. I guess I could tack on something heroic, to the end there.

But to be honest their offer was fairly appealing- death threat implications aside.

If I interpreted it all correctly, somehow they were going to give me points- or maybe something similar to points? Maybe the points came when I killed the monster?

That was probably it, it's not like I want to go back down there and ask them.

I mean, they knew I was divine beast, which only [Voice of Gaia] had been able to note previously. They probably knew a few other things too.

More importantly though, they had obviously just given me a clear target. Somewhere ahead was a strong monster, and that was what I wanted... wasn't it?

Strong monster = Points.

Reward = More points?

Hard to go wrong here, long as I can keep myself from dying.

Still, I'll admit: as I slithered off from the main Goblin camp, I did feel a bit guilty. Leaving behind the many slumbering figures in the large cave, I had a feeling I could probably have been happy there.

It was a home, of sorts. The Goblins weren't bad company, and I was doing a lot of good for them. In the week or so among their numbers, I'd improved their lives dramatically. Better homes, safer villages, less danger from the local monsters that roamed around their borders. Even that main camp had been shaped and carved: the likes of which was now reinforced and carved away with rooms, and gates, shrines and large walls all fitting with traditional Tiny-Snake-God themes.

But it wasn't meant to be.

Slipping quietly past, unnoticed by the two watching pairs of eyes I had come to know as the Goblins Mike and Ike, I pressed on along the upward trail without looking back. Upward in a long spiral above the main camp, along a roughly carved staircase on the edges of a giant root towards my intended destiny.

It hadn't been that long since I'd come to this place, but for Monsters, Goblins really weren't so bad.

They were a lot like people, and I guess that's something I've really been missing.

Human interaction. You don't get a lot of that down here.

Makes me wonder what happened to Miss Paladin.

After all that chaos at the Human Sancuary, I never did find out what happened to her. All the talk in the halls was about what a nightmare the Safe-zone magic being ruined was, or how horrible the "Dreaded Blue-Basilisk" had been. Not a single peep about a Paladin who miraculously appeared that night.


She probably went back to the surface, first chance she got. I certainly wouldn't blame her, if that were the case. Probably just got out while she could, before someone tried to pin the blame on her too.

I hope she's alright.

But thoughts like this... well, there's a time and a place. Right now, I'd say I'm probably in both the wrong place, and the wrong time.

I mean, looking down... I'm quite high off the Dungeon ground now. It's giving me flashbacks to a certain tower above a Tiny Snake Camp Alcatraz. If I peer over this wooden stair edge, I might see...

Hiss- no. Bad plan. Way too high up. Makes me queasy, this isn't a distance you want to fall.


But, while I'm looking, up ahead is something pretty neat. Snake-Periscope can be utilized both horizonally and vertically, after all.

It seems that the root here meets up with a bunch of others. They interlock all over the ceiling, and if I'm not mistaken I think a bunch of them are carved out. Like a weird set of roads in the sky. Or the ground?

Well, they're all up there.

There are a ton of them too.

According to the Shamans of the Pugly Tribe, I just need to go up, but I feel like having a bunch of hallways carved out up here is probably really convenient for getting around.


I wonder... Why don't the Goblins don't use them?

A surprisingly insightful question coming from me, but now that I'm looking up here... I never saw anyone come up this path. Honestly, it looks like these things could act as highways from one side of this region to the other, no problems.

This is a serious convenience being ignored.


Or avoided.



You know for some reason, all of a sudden I have a terrible feeling about all this.